It’s almost the end of the year 2019, at this time I often find myself taking notes and keeping stock of the year gone by. And if you’re the type you understand and are probably doing the same. Goals you had set, areas you absolutely smashed and the times life poked you in the head like Ghost did to Tasha.
A lot of us come January first eager for that chance at redemption with pen and paper in hand or fancy gadget notepad out scribbling all our new year resolutions.
I want to share with you the lessons I will be taking with me into the new year and onward as I go. Some of these I learnt a long time ago (maybe a little flex on the practicing), others I learnt this year. These are from a varied number of places ranging from TV to loved ones to the voice inside my head and some are just basic sense that you just need to reiterate to yourself everyday.
Here are the lessons my beloveds and yes take with more than a pinch of salt.
- Never borrow what you can’t let go off. This could be your time, resources, MONEY, anything really. If someone asks you for something, I always ask myself this. Is this something that if I somehow give to this person and never get it back I’ll be fine with? And ‘thing’ is very relative here, it could literally be anything. And this has changed the ‘lending’ game for me. Honestly this varies with different people, your relationship and trust level. There are people I can give a million naira to and others I can’t give ten thousand. You need to know where people place in your life and what value they bring or add to you and treat as such.
- Try to put yourself first. This is really personal for me because I am such a people pleaser and most times I forget to take care of myself or even consider ‘ME’ at all. This is the selfish dog headed mantra I’m taking going forward. You should always think of yourself first especially for millenials who are still trying to figure things out. There’s still more than enough time to have dependents and obligated stress in your life but now that you’re young, please choose yourself first always and be selfish with yourself without any shame or guilt.
- You are responsible for your happiness. Create it and Guard it!
- The 2’s Checklist. What this is, is using the ‘2’ timeline to help make more informed decisions. So if you’re indecisive or concerned about the consequences of certain actions you want to take or make. You use the 2’s checklist to help you have a more visual idea. So all you do is ask yourself this and really think about it. How does this decision I want to make or action I’m taking affect my life in ‘2 days’, ‘2 months’ and ‘2 years’. Really think and visualize the short and long term impacts of your decisions and choices.
- Stop apologizing!!!! Stop apologising for breathing, for consuming space, for being a woman, for kicking ass and being successful, for doing your best even when it seems like it isn’t someone’s preconceived notion of ‘success’. Just stop apologising, period point blank. If you know you need to do better, then go do better. If you feel you’ve peaked, or you want to settle then own it with your chest and do not apologize for it. Do not apologize for creating said happiness for yourself.
- Gratitude ≠ Indebtedness. My dearest gorgeous lovely hustling still-trying-to-figure-life-out millennials, please do not confuse gratitude for indebtedness. This will put you under a whole lot of pressure you don’t need. I was speaking to a friend and her family hurt her and she explained that she felt pressured to handle the situation in a way other than she normally would have because she felt indebted to them for putting her through school etc. Especially with parents and close extended family, you can always be grateful and when you are in a position to express gratitude for their actions please do. But don’t put the pressure of being ‘indebted’ to them on yourself especially if they were doing their duty. Putting you through school, providing basic necessities for your survival isn’t a ‘sacrifice’ and a ‘favour’. It was their duty. And it expands way past just the family. Someone finally paying you back the money they’ve owed you for ages isn’t a favour. So please let’s all not be moving mad.
- Be Intentional. This should actually be number one. The importance of this cannot be underrated. You need to be intentional about yourself, about your future, about taking the first step to start, the plans you have, steps you’re taking to smash those goals. Be intentional about your mental and physical health, about taking breaks when needed, making good productive and uplifting friendships, networking, starting your business, pursuing that dream, traveling, securing your bags etc. Be intentional about prioritizing self care, about your time and who and what you spend it on, about your space and happiness. Just be more intentional.
Hard as it might have been, I did a lot of growing up and strengthening of my mental core this year if that makes any sense. And these lessons though learnt the hard way definitely helped me.
Which of these do you relate to the most? Do you already practise any of these? Please comment and share any other helpful tips and lessons you have